Yellow Wallpaper
Dear Mum,
Did you ever read The Yellow Wallpaper? Maybe you did, as you flew through books like nobody's business!
Anyway, I'm sitting here, having my own descent into madness. Here, by the way, is the house I've been staying in until we - me and Joey - move in to our first home.
I'm sitting on the kitchen floor, Dragon Soop in hand, staring at the paper peeling off the wall. Yellow paper. Bit on the nose, eh? Given it's a day where I'm fighting with my depression. Not manic today, just majorly down in the dumps and for want of a nicer phrase, "not giving a fuck".
Crazy that, innit? Not giving a fuck, when giving too much of a fuck about everyone and everything is the problem. Heart's no longer on my sleeve - it's swinging from my fuckin' throat like a pendant on a necklace. Fascinating to look at, but irritating as anything to keep it dangling there.
God knows why the paper is peeling now. Or was it like that when we got here? It's doing my head in. I want to just rip it off and give in to the madness that's playing table tennis with my thoughts. But, of course, I can't. I've not gone completely off the rails, to the point I disrespect someone else's property. I still have my manners. I still have your teachings.
It's almost like a tear in time. You know the way they depict it in movies and TV, where if I just peeled back a little, just like curtains, I can throw myself into another world. Anywhere but here, eh? Anytime but now.
Mum, I'm at my wits end. I was boxing things today, finalising the move, and I opened a bag with your clothes in. Just spilling out, not even your favourite things. Who knows when you last wore them when you were here? But there they were. And there I was, collecting tears in the bags under my eyes. That was it, that was me running down the stairs and needing out. No.
Blue Pineapple & Kiwi, mum. That's the flavour of the soop I'm drinking. Never did see a blue pineapple, but it's nice enough to just gulp away and give me that temporary high. When did I become the person who needs such a thing? 3 years ago? Yeah.
Well, I'll have a few more of these, send my thoughts on vacation and get back to it. I'm trying my best, you know? You probably do.
Wish you were here...
Did you ever read The Yellow Wallpaper? Maybe you did, as you flew through books like nobody's business!
Anyway, I'm sitting here, having my own descent into madness. Here, by the way, is the house I've been staying in until we - me and Joey - move in to our first home.
I'm sitting on the kitchen floor, Dragon Soop in hand, staring at the paper peeling off the wall. Yellow paper. Bit on the nose, eh? Given it's a day where I'm fighting with my depression. Not manic today, just majorly down in the dumps and for want of a nicer phrase, "not giving a fuck".
Crazy that, innit? Not giving a fuck, when giving too much of a fuck about everyone and everything is the problem. Heart's no longer on my sleeve - it's swinging from my fuckin' throat like a pendant on a necklace. Fascinating to look at, but irritating as anything to keep it dangling there.
God knows why the paper is peeling now. Or was it like that when we got here? It's doing my head in. I want to just rip it off and give in to the madness that's playing table tennis with my thoughts. But, of course, I can't. I've not gone completely off the rails, to the point I disrespect someone else's property. I still have my manners. I still have your teachings.
It's almost like a tear in time. You know the way they depict it in movies and TV, where if I just peeled back a little, just like curtains, I can throw myself into another world. Anywhere but here, eh? Anytime but now.
Mum, I'm at my wits end. I was boxing things today, finalising the move, and I opened a bag with your clothes in. Just spilling out, not even your favourite things. Who knows when you last wore them when you were here? But there they were. And there I was, collecting tears in the bags under my eyes. That was it, that was me running down the stairs and needing out. No.
Blue Pineapple & Kiwi, mum. That's the flavour of the soop I'm drinking. Never did see a blue pineapple, but it's nice enough to just gulp away and give me that temporary high. When did I become the person who needs such a thing? 3 years ago? Yeah.
Well, I'll have a few more of these, send my thoughts on vacation and get back to it. I'm trying my best, you know? You probably do.
Wish you were here...
